WKP @WatchKeyPhone@aleph.land

Ridiculous dypshoria thing #10000 I just noticed:

If I've been talking a lot I get a weird and specific type of sore throat that I've never understood. I just realised it's because I'm constantly, unthinkingly trying to talk deeper than my natural register.

It seems like my brain literally expects my vocal cords to be set up differently than they are. Fun stuff 🙃

*whispers* hormones in possibly as little as two weeks :o

I ate soup AND cheese AND bread for lunch. AND some chocolate for afters. this is as inordinately significant achievement. i will now probably be anxious for the rest of the day. 🎉

I also want someone to come and hug me very tightly and stroke my hair and not have to talk. 😶

I want someone to come and fix everything that's wrong with my life, but unfortunately I do not trust anyone enough to be helped by them, let along to ASK for it. 🙃

I feel like I can smell bleach. I have not used bleach or any bleach-containing products in at least several weeks. I even opened the front door to see if someone was cleaning in the stairway but there is nothing. Fun new anxiety symptom: imagining the smell of bleach???

I guess this topic would have been a good candidate for making posts unlisted or followers-only?? I haven't really got those settings into my head yet in a way that makes them instinctive to use.

> conversation to have, so it seems like it's better to not talk about it? because how are you supposed to tell when is an ideal time to go "actually this really depressing thing happened btw, now continue about your regular business". 🙃

when I was in school a grandparent died, and I didn't tell my friends until several days later when they mentioned him in an unrelated context. and they seemed upset that I hadn't told them, but I still don't know what is the correct protocol for informing people about things like this. my friends don't need to know about *my* grandparents, but I guess my friends want to know about me, which makes sense. but also telling people about someone dying is not really a positive >

but the good news is. when I got home, my rabbit sprinted around my legs in excitement to see me, and then spent many hours sitting next to me for strokes. i hope he knows how much I love him.

i am. tired.

my grandad died last night. this morning I travelled on the busiest train I've ever been on. my mum is ill with flu. my dad is suddenly london because of his dad. yesterday I did silly busy boxing day shopping. both yesterday and the day before involved longer than expected walks in heavy rain and wind. I stayed at my brother's new place for the first time for three days. I spent a lot of time with him and his unwell partner and the associated stress.

a bunch of tiny flies came out of my bin when I opened it :(((

I put the bin outside to deal with it tomorrow. but now there are a few of them floating around my kitchen and I feel like all my food is contaminated and nothing will ever be clean again :(((

Spent the evening trying not to fall asleep because it would be super disorienting - now it's a reasonable sleeping time and I'm too anxious to go to bed. :(

I'm so exhausted and dissociated I feel like I'm dying or something. I have no idea whether I might be physically ill or just a new and imaginative way of my brain screwing me up, but I'm scared and I hate it.